my journey

the bravest idiot i know

the bravest idiot i know

my father has an age old saying that i’ve honestly heard more times than i care to count. “it can’t always be them, xan. sometimes, it has to be you.” every time he’s ever said it to me in the past, i’ve wished for the courage to sock him in the nose. largely, because he […]

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the eggsecution of my left hand

the eggsecution of my left hand

when i was in college, i saw the audrey hepburn / humphrey bogart classic movie “sabrina.” in the movie, sabrina, the poor yet beautiful daughter of a magnificently wealthy family’s chauffeur, is sent to a paris culinary school, where she is supposed to learn to be a domestic like her father. the problem is, she’s in […]

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girls just want to have fun

girls just want to have fun

it has only just occurred to me that i’m dressed like an extra in the “girls just want to have fun” music video. why i never kept my rubber bracelets is beyond me.

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because i love myself enough to swim

because i love myself enough to swim

i have been trapped in one of those horror movies where there’s only one character: me – and i’m doing all the terrorizing. it’s been rough to say the least. eight days ago, the merman went away on business leaving me and lil’ flipper on our own. we had a fun week planned swimming, science […]

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“that smells like popcorn and revolting pizza”

“that smells like popcorn and revolting pizza”

i was somewhere around the bouncy castle, on the edge of the blowers, when the hunger began to take hold. i remember saying something like “that smells like popcorn and revolting pizza.” then my stomach betrayed me. it growled with lust. sometimes, i’m great and i stick to it and everything is perfect and space […]

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fighting the flu

fighting the flu

between fighting off the flu and getting the website up, it’s been a crazy weekend / few days. more times starting tomorrow.

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your energy is finite. only use it for the betterment of you and others.

- mermaid

today’s mantra: always be yourself. unless you can be a mermaid. then, be a mermaid.

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it's only when everything goes wrong that we're free to see how truly good we have it.

- mermaid

i’ve only ever done things the s&m way

i’ve only ever done things the s&m way

i’ve only ever done things the s&m way. it’s such a barbaric approach to life, but i would swim all-day, seven days, sleep four minutes, do a 1000 craft projects, clean the house, cook enough food to feed brazil, write a novel and probably a movie, go take some photos, and play a 15-hour game […]

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